If you could see me now

Been a couple of months without you. Sometimes I do stuff, and I wonder if you could see me, if you’re watching everything.

Miss you man.

I played What a feeling by Beautiful Nubia and I remember the way you were very excited to play it for me some months back, certain I’ll remember the chorus from childhood, and how you felt disappointed when I didn’t.

I’ve had 24 years of you as a brother, and I’m super grateful I got to call you that. Thank you for the memories and everything we’ve shared.

Over 2 years ago, you were happier than I was, when I told you I had gotten a role with Pfizer, and were almost certainly sure I was the first Nigerian in a technical position - I wasn’t.

And when you got the role with KPMG last year, and you shared the employment letter, what joy! We discussed the leap of faith, doing things blindly even though there’s a significant likelihood of failure. Choosing to be driven by the chances of success - what if I succeeded.

I miss you, man.

I’m trying to get well-adjusted, I’m trying, I’m fucking trying, I swear, but I’m just unable to move on. I keep your bag on my chair, to look at every day, the one you wore when it happened.

I also got a camera, I try to take memories of people now. Looking back, we didn’t get as many pictures as we could together.

And I think of how you’ll send birthday cake every year, through that woman, and say prayers. I’m super grateful to have had you.

I’m trying to work on a fellowship with the good people of KPMG, haven’t fully fleshed out the plan yet. I spoke with the cybersecurity partner, they were very receptive of the idea, even willing to fund it in its entirety, even though that’s not something I’ll be comfortable with. I’ll get to it next year, and I hope they’ll still be open to it by then.

Almost like after that day, nothing else mattered to me. I lost interest in it all. My friends were very helpful, also I took as long time as I needed off work, and worked reduced hours for a couple more, before I returned to regular schedule.

Again, I’m thankful for the good people of KPMG & Winner’s Chapel, they ensured that this wasn’t harder than it should be, and covered a significant part of the logistics and everything involved to provide you with a befitting resting place. Your good friend Chukuwma was also much around and very helpful.

Mom & Pops are doing ok, she got sick for a while, but she’s recovering now. Everything else has remained the same from my view.

I miss you, man.

We miss you.

It is well.